


The Biggest Risk

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-05-05
Updated: 2004-05-05
Packaged: 2018-12-27 08:58:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12077835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: Brian has a revelation that leads to his decision to go to Justinâ€™s prom.





	The Biggest Risk

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

It’s lonely in the loft. It’s too quiet. Usually I like the solitude, but tonight it’s getting on my nerves. What should I do? Any other night I would call Mikey, but not anymore. He and the doc are on their way to fabulous Portland. I don’t feel like talking to Ted or Emmett. They don’t know me well enough to help. I guess I could go over to Babylon and find someone. It shouldn’t be too hard. I’m the hottest thing in Pittsburgh. But I don’t want to do that either. God I feel old! I wonder if it shows. Am I less desirable now that I’m thirty? Probably not, all the guys still seem to want me. Nothing new there. I’ve got a good idea. I’ll call Justin. I’m sure I could convince him to come over for a serious “workout”. Oh wait, I can’t. I forgot, he’s at the prom tonight. I still can’t believe that he asked me to be his date. Leave it to Justin to come up with something that stupid. . . and that adorable. Shit! What am I thinking? It was a stupid idea! Totally stupid. He knows I don’t do dates, and even if I did, I couldn’t go to his prom. It would send those stuck up assholes into a fit. It would be great to laugh in their hypocritical Christian faces. Why are they always distorting religion to justify hate? But I’m not going.

I wonder how Justin looks in a tuxedo. I bet it’s pretty sexy. As much as I hate to admit it, he is the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen, and that’s saying something, but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like we’re a couple. I’m just being honest. In a few years I could have some serious competition. Only, I’m not sure if I’ll be competing Justin or competing for him. Damn it! Why do I keep thinking about Justin this way? Even now I have to keep the boys off him. They all want him, but they can’t have him because he’s mine. Well, not mine, just. . . mine. Oh fuck Kinney, you’ve really done it this time! Everything I’ve said, and everything I’ve done, it’s all bullshit. As much as I’d like to say that he’s nothing to me, that he’s just a dumb kid, I can’t. I didn’t see it at first, but he’s a part of my life, a big part. And he’s not stupid. He really is the most mature person I know. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be able to deal with all the shit I give him. I don’t understand him sometimes. The more I push him away, the tighter he holds on. I don’t deserve him. He should have someone who won’t hurt him. I do it all the time. When I told him that I was moving to New York, he looked like he had been punched in the stomach, but he recovered enough to try and help me move on with my life. I guess it’s a good thing that the job fell through.

When did this happen? When did I fall in love? Oh God, I said it. This can’t be happening. This was never supposed to happen. I didn’t mean to fall in love. It’s all too complicated. Why does he have to be so beautiful? What do I do now? I have to see him. I want him so badly it hurts. Fucking prom! I won’t be able to see him tonight, not unless. . . but I can’t do that? Or can I? I don’t have to stay long. I’d love to take him in my arms and dance with him right there in front of everyone. It’s the most ridiculously romantic thing I’ve ever heard, but it’s true. Okay, now I have to concentrate on the important things. What do I wear?

I start grabbing things from my closet, and I manage to pull something decent together. I step into the bathroom to fix my hair and snatch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I hardly recognize the person I see. I must be going nuts because if I was sane, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m about to do. No turning back Kinney. I get ready to leave. I pick up my keys, and then at the last moment I grab the new white scarf and slip it around my neck. I imagine it on him, feeling the silkiness of both his skin and the scarf and. . . but this isn’t the time to daydream. It’s time to go. The whole ride over there I try to talk myself out of it. I come to a stoplight. If I turn left I can be on Liberty Avenue in a few minutes. I turn right. I find a spot in the parking garage, but I don’t get out of the jeep. I just sit there, willing my heart to stop beating so hard. I’ve never felt this way before: a combination of fear and excitement. Finally I make myself get out. My legs feel unsteady. I make my way up to the ballroom. It doesn’t take me long to find Justin in the crowd. He lights up the room. Debbie had it just right when she named him Sunshine. That’s what he is, the light of my life. God! I’ve really gone round the bend. I wonder what my friends would think if they knew what I was doing. It would probably kill Melanie. That alone makes this almost worth it. Almost, but not quite because I feel like the biggest fool. I should turn around and leave, but it’s too late now. Justin has seen me. I didn’t think it was possible for his smile to get any brighter. He’s every bit as sexy as I thought he would be. Shit, I don’t think I’ve ever been this scared in my life. I don’t know what I’m doing. Pull yourself together Kinney. You can do it. Breathe in and out. You can do it. Just close your eyes and jump.


End file.
